West Ham United have signed an astonishing 55 forwards since David Gold and David Sullivan bought the club in January 2010 – and the vast majority of them have been pretty useless.
We’re not including the likes of Dimitri Payet and Ravel Morrison, playmakers pushed into more advanced supporting roles, or those like Domingos Quina and Robert Snodgrass who began in advanced roles before dropping into midfield.
However, the 55 includes number nines, second strikers and attacking wingers – some substantially more successful than others.
55. Mido (Loan from Middlesbrough, February 2010)
Considering a number of these players never even made a matchday squad, it takes a lot for someone who actually did play to finish bottom.
However, Mido’s contribution – no goals and a missed penalty – is undoubtedly a net negative. He famously earned just £1,000 per week at West Ham, but even that felt a bit steep.
54. Benni McCarthy (Undisclosed from Blackburn Rovers, February 2010)
An absolute car crash of a signing, with the South African scoring no goals and only leaving after being paid off handsomely by the club. He also started an enjoyably petty feud with Karren Brady that rumbles on to this day.
He’s ahead of Mido only because he stuck around a little longer, though I’m starting to wonder if that should actually count against him.
53. Jordan Hugill (£10m from Preston North End, January 2018)
Signed due to David Moyes’ twice-weekly pangs of nostalgia for all things Preston, Hugill played a grand total of 22 competitive minutes for the club. He scored in a friendly, at least.
Hugill was quietly bundled off to Norwich in 2020 and both parties agreed never to speak of the experience again.
52. Joe Dixon (Unattached, January 2012)
Literally no idea who this person is.
51. Luka Belic (Free from OFK Beograd, September 2015)
Apparently not the guy from GTA IV.
50. Wellington Paulista (Loan from Cruzeiro, January 2013)
Brazilian forward who impressed in his homeland but never made an appearance for West Ham.
Not to be confused with Wellington Silva, a Brazilian forward who impressed in his homeland but never made an appearance for Arsenal.
49. Jaanai Gordon (Undisclosed from Peterborough United, January 2014)
The closest he got to a first-team game was an appearance on the bench in a 5-0 FA Cup defeat to Nottingham Forest. Make of that what you will.
48. Sean Maguire (Undisclosed from Waterford United, January 2013)
Seems to be doing okay for Coventry…
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