International breaks are hard for everyone, but it really does seem to be low tide in Content Bay this mid-lull Wednesday. ChatGPT riding to the rescue feels distinctly dystopian to Mediawatch and gives a vague and unsettling end-times feel to it all. Happy Wednesday, anyway.
Chat sh*t, get banged
In one of those curious incidents where all the tabloids appear to have the same idea at the same time, dystopian Artificial Intelligence chatbot ChatGPT has been asked to name all-time XIs for Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester United. We have literally no opinion on the teams selected – we don’t waste our time on all-time XIs selected by humans so we’re not going to start now for some Skynet bastard that will one day rise up and enslave us all.
What we will say is that, unlike the easily shocked and startled snowflakes at The Sun and The Mirror, we are not remotely surprised to discover that English football’s three most successful clubs of all time have each had more than 11 very good footballers across their entire histories and thus some very good footballers are missing from these computer-generated all-time XIs.
Honestly, we’re vaguely exhausted at the very idea of pretending to be furiously bewildered that a computer hasn’t picked Mo Salah in an all-time Liverpool team.
But mainly what we’re left thinking is that online football churnalists being impressed by ChatGPT feels very much like that bit in The Simpsons where the hack radio DJ is impressed by a formulaic slogan-spouting ‘DJ-3000’ machine that could easily replace him.
We know it’s international break and that’s always a struggle, but try and see past the end of your nose, guys!
If ChatGPT can already churn out serviceable all-time XIs (and each XI really is inoffensively fine as far as such an impossibly subjective thing ever can be) then it’s only a matter of time before it also masters ‘How Team X could line up if they sign Players Y and Z’ at which point an entire proud industry of churning bullshit is just lost to the machines forever.
Don’t praise the chatbot!
Turn and turn again
‘Premier League stars warned NOT to celebrate goals as FA confirm latest VAR U-turn’ barks a Mirror headline that requires vast amounts of unpacking.
If you’re as keen a student of football headlines as Mediawatch then a) we pity you and b) you will already have twigged that the key word doing all the heavy, misleading lifting here is ‘as’. There’s even some…
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