Marcus Rashford leaves house, drives £280k car JUST DAYS after Man Utd lose 7-0 at Liverpool!

Thought we might be moving on from Sunday? No chance. Not while the intrepid Mail hacks are spotting Marcus Rashford leaving his house rather than spending his days alone in the dark reflecting on what he’s done.

Rash decision
Turns out 48 hours was the limit for what could be wrung out of Bruno Fernandes being a bit of a prick, but that doesn’t mean the papers are quite ready to move on from Manchester United losing 7-0 to Liverpool, because Manchester United losing 7-0 to Liverpool is in fairness quite a thing.

So with the Bruno route exhausted, MailOnline have looked around for fresh meat and settled entirely coincidentally on Marcus Rashford, a Manchester United player with whom they have no previous issues whatsoever.

Unfortunately, Rashford was not a conspicuous bed-shitter on Sunday afternoon. Don’t worry, though. The daft sod has only gone and left his house! And driven a car that he owns! To a shop! And all this ‘just two days’ after United’s afternoon of shame in Liverpool! What an absolute prick.

The JUST DAYS format is a common yet irredeemably weird genre of ‘football’ ‘journalism’ and is combined here with the classic trope of pointing out that millionaire footballers own expensive things. There’s no point pretending this particular gambit isn’t predominantly used against black footballers, and especially bolshy gobshite black footballers who think children shouldn’t starve.

So there’s nothing much new about this specific Mail hit job, but we’re struggling to think of one that more thoroughly ticks all the boxes.

As with all MailOnline efforts, quite literally the entire story is contained within the wildly long headline and bullet points that follow.

‘Retail therapy, Marcus? Manchester United star Rashford is spotted out shopping in his £280k McLaren 765LT – two days after his side’s humiliating 7-0 defeat by Liverpool – as England forward takes trip to jewellers’

The cost of the car? Check. The arbitrarily unacceptable timeframe following a defeat? Check.

That is literally the entire content of the story, so the bullet points just repeat the same details just in case any of the slower Mail readers haven’t yet worked out precisely what is supposed to be making them angry:

• Marcus Rashford was spotted out in Cheshire with his £280,000 McLaren 765LT
• The forward visited a jewellers two days after his side’s 7-0 defeat to Liverpool
• The 25-year-old was unable to get on the scoresheet at…