Premier League

Everton get Haaland and old target joins Arsenal

Manchester City players celebrate

In the event that Manchester City are expelled from the Premier League for their various financial misdeeds, their stars will likely need to find new homes.

Kind souls that we are here at Football365, it seems only right to save everyone the admin by reallocating the composite parts of that Manchester City squad now.

 

Zack Steffen – Leeds
Jesse Marsch might have gone but Leeds have leaned too far into the Team America thing to back out now.

 

Stefan Ortega – Southampton
From 1986 loanee Eric Nixon to Angus Gunn, then Willy Caballero (alright, he was at Chelsea in between) and now Gavin Bazunu, Southampton do have a thing for signing Manchester City keepers.

 

Ederson – Liverpool
Watching a Liverpool fanbase work itself into an impotent rage at the mere prospective injustice of their brilliance going largely unrewarded because of potential financial impropriety, before then having to retract their Alisson versus Ederson hot takes, would be great fun. Plus the bloke once said he would be “definitely up to the task” of playing in midfield for Manchester City and Jurgen Klopp is running out of cost-effective solutions for that position.

 

Scott Carson – Real Madrid
Obviously.

 

Kyle Walker – Tottenham
Tottenham have spent around £120m on right-backs or right wing-backs in the five-and-a-half years since Kyle Walker left and sure, Pedro Porro might be the exception to a rule of frustrating inadequacy in the role, but who better to replace Walker than Walker?

 

Ruben Dias – Wolves
A Jorge Mendes client, to clear up any confusion.

 

John Stones – Roma
Jose Mourinho tried to sign the centre-half for Chelsea and Man Utd but the hat-trick will be completed at Roma. Smalldini and Alessandro Nestones, anyone?

 

Nathan Ake – Nottingham Forest
That stale Nottingham Forest squad could do with freshening up and a few new faces.

 

Joao Cancelo – Paris Saint-Germain
Expulsion or not, he ain’t ever playing for Manchester City again, so there will be an imminent answer to this question. But a quick rebuild and league title at Bayern Munich should lead nicely into a permanent move to Paris Saint-Germain as Joao Cancelo continues his tour of western Europe.

 

Aymeric Laporte – Bayern Munich
The two greatest Erics in Premier League history should link up while the opportunity exists. Laporte and Choupo-Moting could do incredible things together.

 

Sergio Gomez – Girona
It’s that, New York City or Melbourne City, which is not a bad…

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