Tick, tick tick… Whenever these madmen stepped onto the Premier League pitch, you knew something bad was about to happen.
From Jaap Stam to Robert Huth, the Premier League has seen its fair share of hard bastards.
Those players were the immovable objects, the tough tacklers and the expert intimidators of English football.
But while hard bastards usually control their aggression with a degree of discipline, there’s another breed of footballer that does the exact opposite.
We’re talking about the unhinged.
Some players hear the whistle blow and, like Pavlov’s dogs, take it as a cue to shove, kick and bite their opponents, holding little regard for the success or failure of their team.
For better or worse, these guys exploded whenever they took to the pitch.
Paolo Di Canio
Over seven years in the Premier League, Paolo Di Canio was the loosest of canons.
He shoved a referee, fought with managers and, strangest of all, picked up the ball to protect an opposition goalkeeper.
You can’t imagine he gave much thought to any of those things.
Eric Cantona
Kicked a fan, didn’t he?
Eric Cantona’s madness was his genius, and you really have to appreciate how every red card he ever received was a work of art.
That horrifying leap for Auxerre deserves a celebration as much as his Sunderland chip.
Joey Barton
There’s an argument to be made that Joey Barton sort-of knew what he was doing whenever he acted like a shitebag to wind up opponents.
The thing is, it nearly always worked against him, and Barton was probably at his most useful when whipping in crosses with his mouth shut.
Luis Suarez
On paper, three separate biting incidents suggest the cold-blooded indifference of a serial killer. In reality, however, Luis Suarez was, and remains, just a massive idiot.
Still, he scored some goals.
Jens Lehmann
David Seaman: “I enjoy fishing; my best ever catch was a 36-pound carp.”
Mad Jens:
El-Hadji Diouf
A forward who could control neither his temper nor his phlegm, El-Hadji Diouf didn’t endear himself to Premier League fans.
Sam Allardyce eventually got the best out of him as Bolton finished sixth in the 2004–05 season, but Diouf never really mellowed out.
READ: Six times El-Hadji Diouf was a pr*ck at Liverpool: Spitting, turkeys & sh*ts
Kevin Muscat
Lovable rogue Kevin Muscat was labelled “the most hated man in football” by Birmingham’s Martin Grainger and a “lowlife” by…
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