Like driving a bus or working on the door of a nightclub, football punditry is a harder gig than is commonly assumed.
Think about it. You have to be respected enough to be invited to give your opinions in the first place. It’s the reason why Alan Shearer appears on Match of the Day and not the bore from your local pub who reckons Gareth Southgate should simply tell his players to play Total Football.
You need to be articulate, form coherent sentences on your feet and appear jovial, all in the knowledge you’re being watched by millions and any mistake will lept upon by the hyenas of social media. It’s always been much easier to criticise than participate.
And punditry roles don’t come much harder than England’s trip to Poland in October 2012.
As ITV prepared to cover the World Cup qualifier, a rainstorm of biblical proportions descended upon Warsaw.
After hours of deliberation, the match was eventually postponed, but not before Adrian Chiles had fronted a masterclass of banal banter that broke the spirits of both Gabriel Clarke and Roy Keane.
There was no action, but it was still the most entertaining football coverage we’d seen for years.
Despite a forecast of heavy rain, the Polish FA decided against closing the stadium roof before the game. With pinpoint predictability, conditions on matchday would have made Noah think twice about stepping outside.
As Chiles, heading a line-up of Keane, Southgate and Lee Dixon, pondered why nobody was endeavouring to protect the pitch, Clarke was dispatched to the bowels of the stadium in search of some answers.
It was a thankless task. The ITV pitchside reporter, renowned for his excellence, was wading through floodwater while Chiles and co chortled from the warmth of their studio.
Eventually, Clarke tracked down Agnieszka Olejkowska, tentatively introduced as the Polish media officer. She declared it would be impossible to close the roof while it was raining for safety reasons.
In scenes reminiscent of Bart Simpson detecting the exact moment Lisa broke Ralph Wiggum’s heart, Clarke could be seen having a sense of humour failure on live TV.
As Chiles baited him with questions – “What’s going on Gabriel?… Don’t hurry, we have plenty of time!” – poor Clarke took his frustrations out on the nearest Pole.
“It’s a farce, isn’t it? Why wasn’t the roof shut?” Clarke barked at a gentleman who just happened to be wandering…
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