Premier League

De Bryune fulfils the Haaland role as Manchester City crush Wolves and close on the title

De Bryune fulfils the Haaland role as Manchester City crush Wolves and close on the title

In a strange way, Kevin De Bruyne scoring four goals showed what Erling Haaland will bring to Manchester City and why they need it. Stick with us…

Time for one of the occasional peeps behind the curtain we allow you of the in-depth F365 editorial process. “Do something on City. Might be dull. Try and link to Haaland somehow,” were the instructions from on high for tonight.

Couple of ways that could have worked, obviously. City not winning at all would have done it. Could have stroked my beard and said something like “See, even though Manchester City have scored all of the goals this season there are still these vital games where they miss that out-and-out goalscorer.” Easy to write, off to bed at a civilised hour, and on we go. Lovely. Only downside would have been the rekindling of Liverpool’s Quadruple hopes which, despite Guardiola’s assertion to the contrary, is not something everyone in this country wants to happen.

A narrow, unconvincing 1-0 win for City would have perhaps been ideal, then. The goal being scored in the 83rd minute by a defender if we’re being really greedy. Easy to make that about Haaland as well.

What we didn’t need was Manchester City winning 5-1. What we definitely didn’t need was Kevin De Bruyne scoring his first Premier League hat-trick within the opening 24 minutes – the third fastest from kick-off in the league’s history – and helping himself to a fourth for good measure on the hour. Really, we’re proud of ourselves for getting to the fourth paragraph of this before ceding to the inevitable and talking about De Bruyne. We gave it a good crack.

What an absurd performance from an absurd footballer. And if it hadn’t been for De Bruyne, we’d have absolutely had our easy Haaland story. City created chances at will against a Wolves side who offered plenty on the few chances they had to attack but were pulled apart at the back. Yet for all that City’s only five shots on target were their five goals. And…

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