“You may as well put a cow in the middle of the pitch, walking,” Jose Mourinho once sniped after he was particularly frustrated with the time-wasting tactics of an opponent. “And then stop the game because there was a cow.”
For an individual so well-versed in the shadowy fringes of a football match, it was a remarkable burst of hypocrisy. This, remember, is the same manager who once uttered the immortal instruction: “Lads, I want at least two bookings for time-wasting before half-time.”
With Mourinho running through his weighty tome of dark arts in Serie A these days, who among the Premier League’s current roster has taken up the baton of the ultimate time-wasters?
Rank |
Team |
Average delay (seconds) |
---|---|---|
1 |
Liverpool |
23.3 |
2 |
Manchester City |
25.6 |
3 |
Leicester |
25.8 |
4 |
Tottenham |
26.1 |
5 |
Manchester United |
26.3 |
6 |
Chelsea |
26.5 |
7 |
Brighton |
26.9 |
8 |
Leeds |
27.0 |
9 |
Nottingham Forest |
27.6 |
10 |
Arsenal |
27.6 |
11 |
West Ham |
27.8 |
12 |
Crystal Palace |
28.1 |
13 |
Wolves |
28.6 |
14 |
Fulham |
28.8 |
15 |
Aston Villa |
28.9 |
16 |
Everton |
29.1 |
17 |
Southampton |
29.2 |
18 |
Bournemouth |
29.2 |
19 |
Newcastle |
29.9 |
20 |
Brentford |
31.4 |
Data via Opta, correct as of 28 April 2023
Brentford have risen from England’s third tier to the top half of the Premier League in nine years by extracting every drop of value from the minor details. For instance, the club’s statistically savvy owner Matthew Benham claims teams have a slightly increased chance of victory in away matches if the distance to the ground is minimal.
With such a broad scope of factors under consideration, it’s hardly a stretch to suggest Brentford have thoroughly analysed the benefits of labouring over restarts. Almost every Premier League fixture pits Brentford against a team with a significantly larger budget, why not limit the time that the opposition players have to show their superior monetary value?
After a hotly controversial takeover, Newcastle find themselves at the opposite end of the wealth spectrum but just as keen to waste time. While Brentford’s delays are mostly reserved for free kicks and throw-ins – which has proven to be time well spent given Brentford’s threat from attacking set pieces – Newcastle take longer than any other team to take goal kicks. On average, 36.8 seconds elapse before Nick Pope punts the ball upfield.
Ahead of his year’s Carabao Cup final, Manchester United manager Erik ten Hag labelled Newcastle “annoying” and bemoaned the limited time in which the ball is in play, the ‘effective time’, during Newcastle matches.
“The referees…
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