Liverpool are locked in crisis

Things have gone quite badly wrong for Liverpool this season. They are 10th in the league, out of both domestic cups and keep getting absolutely spangled off teams like Wolves.

But this is no time for panic. Nothing is fucked. It will be fine. It might be fine. Okay, there’s a dwindling chance it will be fine. It might be fucked.

Does this mean there are no reasons for cheer on the red half of Liverpool? Of course not. You just have to look quite hard for them. Here are five, and we’ve even managed to resist the usual “You are still not Everton” option.

1. Liverpool still have the right man in charge. Ish. We think
Okay, we’ll admit to being a bit less sure of this one than we were before the Wolves atrocity, after which Klopp sounded really very broken indeed and at one point issued the largest sigh ever broadcast in the UK as he attempted to analyse the baffling and basic malfunctionings of his once champion team.

We’re not too worried about him disallowing Wolves third goal for being scored on the counter attack. If anything, it’s encouraging. Klopp has never been a good or gracious loser and we’d be more concerned if he showed signs of becoming one now. It would suggest a manager resigned to helplessness.

So perhaps he still has the requisite belly fire to turn this round. We certainly don’t find ourselves looking around the Premier League and seeing too many managers Liverpool fans should want to trade Klopp for. Even if he is tired.

2. Key attackers returning soon so Gakpo-Nunez shitshow isn’t forever
Diogo Jota, Luis Diaz and especially Roberto Firmino should all be back in action soon. Firmino would not ideally still be such an integral and irreplaceable part of Liverpool’s attack in the year 2023 but we’ve all by now seen more than enough of Cody Gakpo cosplaying as a number nine. It’s not fair on anyone.

Liverpool have wildly underperformed on xG this season, which isn’t good news exactly but did rather suggest the underlying choir of the team isn’t quite as irredeemably broken as it might appear. Just need someone to start taking chances, which as we all know is a piece of piss and why strikers don’t cost much money.

3. Missing out on the Champions League every now and then is okay really
February means Champions League knockouts and by this point your Bayern Munichs and PSGs and in the old days even the Juventuses of this world could all focus their energy entirely in the direction of Big Cup having…