England hotel b*llocks and Arsenal locked in war ‘amid’ Abramovich takeover nonsense

It is tournament season and the England families have picked their hotel. Ivan Toney and Roman Abramovich are too busy with Arsenal to care.

Diamond Qatar
Mediawatch does not wish to accuse Ian Ladyman of phoning it in ever so slightly with regards to his SPECIAL REPORT in the Daily Mail on the hotel chosen by many of the England squad’s partners (‘WAGs’, obviously) for the Qatar World Cup but, well…

‘The England WAGs already seem to have their towels on some of the best sun loungers in Qatar, contributing to the sense that this World Cup would be a particularly bad one to miss,’ is his first paragraph.

And ‘it all rather contributes to the sense that England’s partners are well ahead of the rest when it comes to the accommodation quest for Group B’ is the end of his fourth. Which rather contributes to the sense that this is the standard major tournament hotel b*llocks.

There is talk of ‘thick heat-resistant walls’, ‘ancient wooden beams’ and ‘the array of seafront restaurants’.

Next is some phenomenal chat about the ‘intricate work to clean the tile mosaic at the communal fountain’ and ‘pitchside vents calibrated to blow out blasts of air’. Although writing about ‘sophisticated air-conditioning systems’ must still feel too soon for many at the Mail.

‘Those with children have their eyes on the biggest chalets which sleep five,’ apparently. And ‘Southgate will be pleased to know that hotel staff do the driving’.

Ladyman should probably take up luxury hotel reviews as a side hobby. Mind you, he does delve into the human rights abuses and how ‘many died’ during the preparation for the tournament. It’s just a shame it took him until the 21st paragraph to do so. Got to get that reference to how ‘the England WAGs already seem to have their towels on some of the best sun loungers in Qatar’ in first. Priorities and all that.

Banana split
Perhaps Ladyman is due a pat on the back for mentioning that side of the sorry situation at all.

The Sun website do no such thing, instead focusing on how ‘Banana Island also boasts a bowling alley, a fitness centre, a tennis court, a water park and the option to engage in a wide range of water sports’.

There is room to use the acronym ‘WAG’ 11 times but not to discuss matters of little importance as actual death. Suppose it’s difficult to scour the Instagram pages of migrant workers to pad the article length out in all fairness.

Poor…