As we’ve already acknowledged, the distinction between ‘attacking midfielders’ and ‘forwards’ is increasingly blurred, but our basic rule here is that as well as your few remaining No 9s this list is also where your wingers and wide forwards end up. We broke that rule more than once, mind.
Anyway, here you go.
Here are the goalkeepers, wing/full-backs, central defenders, central midfielders and attacking midfielders.
10. Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester United)
Fine, if we must. It’s all a bit Wario ‘But at what cost?’ meme, frankly. But even we are not going to be so churlish as to ignore the third highest scorer in the entire league on the frivolous grounds that the collateral damage has been the complete collapse of Manchester United Football Club. Eighteen goals is 18 goals and it’s not his fault his teammates are all useless. Although actually it might be his fault a bit. Also up to you whether you consider ‘Helping poison the well at Manchester United so thoroughly they become a national laughing stock and finish 13 points behind Spurs’ a positive or negative when weighing up someone’s contribution to the season as a whole.
9. Teemu Pukki (Norwich)
FUN FACT: Scored 11 goals and got three assists in Norwich’s 2019/20 relegation season and then did exactly the same thing in 2021/22. Now 11 goals and three assists aren’t huge numbers. Not bad, but not huge. But in the context of a genuinely horrific Norwich side there is a decent argument that it represents the standout achievement of the entire season for any player. Bit much? Yeah, probably, but the facts are that Norwich scored 23 goals all season – 11 fewer than anyone else, even Watford. Even Burnley. Fourteen out of 23 goals scored or assisted by one player. That’s 61 per cent. That’s a landslide. And he’s done it twice now (Norwich, in fairness, managed a whole 26 goals in 2019/20).
He’ll probably now score 25+ goals as Norwich get back in the Premier League…
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